yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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