planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
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Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
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I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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