tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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