just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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