you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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