she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
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its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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