If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
