those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
