I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
