Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
