maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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