Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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