he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
