on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
