i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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