her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
