His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You ruined the universe
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
