i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
