"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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