Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
