I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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