I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
