how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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