This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
