Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
