I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
