One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
