Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
