She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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