May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I need moral support for this bender
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
