wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
