omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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