Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
