all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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