i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
tonight lets celebrate not being married
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
