Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
