my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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