You just made me feel so damn special
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
