I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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