i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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