i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
