We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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