Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
