you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
