im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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