PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
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Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
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I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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