Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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