I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
