you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
