just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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