I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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