i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
