just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
