Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
my poor anus
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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