i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
