SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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