hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
