Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
