honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Randomize
