Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
thus making me awesome and them whores
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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