3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
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he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
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It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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