i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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