You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
