Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
