He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
