I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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