Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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