if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
