So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
