Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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