i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
