drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize