you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
