the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
