Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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