now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
