I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
COCAINE IS GR8
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
