she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
