She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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