Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
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