i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
