shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
