You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
