Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize