Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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