he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
