how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
